I didn’t mean to be absent from this space so much over the past month, but the events and trials of the last couple of months have taken some time to adjust to. A few months ago, without exactly meaning to, I started seeing a counselor in attempt to finally conquer my life-long battle with anxiety. I expected to be taught some fundamentals of present-moment-awareness, perhaps some simple meditation exercises.
In reality the experience of facing vulnerability and anxiety head on has been incredibly scary and challenging. It’s been confusing and terribly uncomfortable to realize that the way I see and experience things, and the way I process and cope with stress, is all upside down. I feel a bit outside of myself these days. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes and heart open and just keep moving forward. It’s a strange thing to know you have to get to know yourself all over again, and to hope that everyone around you is willing to get to know you all over again, and accept the flawed, raw version of you. If any of this sounds at all familiar to you, you might find this Ted Talk by Brené Brown called The Power of Vulnerability informative and inspiring.
Amidst all of this, my Grandpa passed away. It was a beautiful, blessed experience filled with family support, tons of love, and time… and when it comes down to it family, love, and time are really the most important things we have going for us. While it was his time to make his exit, I miss him very much. My Grandpa loved to bake, he loved sourdough bread, buttermilk pancakes, and he kept a hidden stash of cookies at all times which he doled out happily to his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. My Grandpa taught me how to make the most delicious Apple Pie; how to balance the spices in a fruit crumble; talked to me for endless hours about the way baking soda and baking powder worked and how to best store and use them. He was a one of a kind man and an incredible Grandpa.
I’m just taking things one day at a time and trusting that things will get a little easier. In spite of needing things to slow down, they just keep moving along. Right now life feels like a series of waves and I’m just trying to catch my breath in-between them. I’m doing my best to focus on gratitude, take deep breaths, and keep my chin up. I didn’t mean to avoid the blog, but sometimes writing things down here can have the feeling of visiting with a close friend, and with everything going on I didn’t know what to say.
So, here I am just saying hello and sharing a series of photos I took of Lulu eating her cereal because they made me laugh. She’s definitely a good source of comic relief. Next week I’ll get back to sharing recipes, I have a great one for Braised Endive Tartines that I’ve been wanting to post.